Wisdom

Stand on toilet, get high on pot.

Nice Try, Mom.

Benadryl won't work on this model.

The little loverboy broke out into hives sometime last week. Don't know if it was the little bit of cow's milk that we gave him for the first time, or if it was my mother's doing- drying his little skin out after the 4th bath of the day (after his 4th poop- my mom is weird). Regardless, it was a good excuse to try benadryl. I'd been meaning to give it a whirl for his plane ride to Hawaii, to see if it would work in calming him and putting him to sleep for the nice, long 10 hour flight.

As a nurse, I'd given benadryl many a time to a sick child in the PICU. It would work wonders, and the child would instantly fall asleep. As a nurse I also knew that giving benadryl could have a paradoxical effect on children, causing them to actually be hyperactive. The latter is NOT what I want. I imagined him hanging from the overhead bins giggling while my husband tried to peel him off.

For some reason, I'd been hesitating to give it to him. I'm not sure if its because I didn't want to find out that it didn't work, or perhaps I was afraid of giving him a little too much...making him sleep for days...or what if he was allergic?? My mind was racing with the possibilities, and when he broke out into a rash- it gave me the perfect excuse to have a go at it. I mean, in the safety of our own home, what could go wrong?

The rash (or monster hives) was all over his body. Under his neck, in his armpits, behinds his knees, in the diaper area- just all over. Huge pink welts. If he wasn't spinning in circles, laughing at himself getting dizzy, I might have been slightly alarmed at the sight of his swollen body. Be he seemed to be acting normal, so no call to the doctor was necessary for this one.

I pulled out my trusty old Harriet Lane Handbook. The resident's guide to pediatric drug usage and dosing (this book is totally for residents, but where I had worked, every nurse had it too). Hmmmm, the dosing for benadryl said 5mg/kg/24hours. Hmmm, how much do I think this little boy weighs? I went through the calculations, and came up with a little over a teaspoon to give him. Shrugging my shoulders and hoping that I had done it right, I squirt the benadryl into his bottle, and said, "bottoms up baby"!

Mind you, he'd just had a late nap, from 6pm to 7:30pm. Usually when that happens, he's up until midnight. WOW! Great timing. You see, if he's not tired, and he takes benadryl, and it works, it will make him drowsy- correct? This way, hopefully he'll fall asleep with this bottle (10pm), and sleep like normal- you know, like the rest of us!

Nope. Didn't touch him. 20 minutes after giving him his bottle with the magic potion in it, he stood up- and started spinning in circles again. I had to read to him, I had to put on Baby Einstein, I had to play peek-a-boo, and I had to play I'm-gonna-get-you over and over again. The child was not sleepy whatsoever. One eyelid did not even get a little bit heavy. Not even one yawn. Nothing. He wasn't hanging from the ceiling though, I guess that's the good news. But he suuurrrrreeeee wasn't sleepy. He ended up going to sleep around midnight..after tossing and turning for a bit. And his rash? Gone by morning.

Any other great ideas?

Beautiful Blue

"Happy is the home with at least one cat" - Italian Proverb

"The cat was created when the lion sneezed" - Arabian Proverb

"Ye shall not possess any beast, my dear sisters, except only a cat." - The Ancren Riewle (Nun's Rule)

"The cat is nature's Beauty." - French Proverb

"Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow." -- Jeff Valdez

Five Simple Rules to be Happy

First, a little background info:

There are 9 of us renting a 4 bedroom house in Hawaii when we go next week! One of the rooms has two twin beds in it, and not one of us wants to take that one. So, we were trying to figure out how to go about dividing the rooms such that one couple doesn't have to take the short end of the stick. Unfortunately, unavoidable. So- we decided that whoever takes the room with the twin beds will be treated to something nice by the rest of the house...so that the twin beds won't be that shitty. Got that?

So, AK forwards me this beautiful chain email regarding life, and the way you should live it:

This is AWESOME....something we should all remember.

A 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o'clock, with his hair fashionably coifed and shaved perfectly, even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today. His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he smiled sweetly when told his room was ready. As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on his window. "I love it," he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy. "Mr. Jones, you haven't seen the room; just wait."

"That doesn't have anything to do with it," he replied. "Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged .... it's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it."

"It's a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do. Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I'll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I've stored away. Just for this time in my life. Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you've put in. So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories! Thank you for your part in filling my Memory bank. I am still depositing."

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.

Pass this message to 7 people except me. You will receive a miracle tomorrow.

Now, STOP! Did you hear what I just said. You WILL receive a miracle tomorrow. So send it right now!

And I reply:

Awww, cool AK! What a sweet forward. You should show us all how you learn from this email and take the room with the twin beds in Hawaii.

LLLOOLLOLLOLLLOLLL......*tear*.....shew.

AK:

As a matter of fact K and I have discussed it and we don't care if we have to take that room or not. We're just happy to be going. So if no one else wants it (which I'm assuming they don't) we'll take it. So Ha T! P.S.- T said she was going to buy whoever took that room dinner and surf lessons, looks like we win! So for dinner I'll be having Filet and a bottle of wine, which K will drink most of, I'll have a few sips. K will take the surf lessons. Thanks T!

Me:

Thank goodness we love each other so much. One of these days, one of us is going to get seriously beat up. Anyway- yes! OF course whoever takes the twins is going to get the short end of the stick, and of COURSE we'll (as in the rest of the house, not just me) treat you to something nice...but did I really say dinner AND surf lessons? I don't think so.

But thank you very much for taking one for the team!!

AK:

You always underestimate my "team playerness". And no you did not say both...you're sharp T.

Me:

Well if I were you I would definately try to take everyone to the bank. Sooo....nice try.

MA:

Actually, you guys are all suckers 'cause I blew the 4 grand of the house depsosit on Louis Vuitton luggage set.

Me:

You whore.

MA:

Oh, but there is PLENTY of room to sleep in those! The trunks are very roomy. Plus Chief Sherpa A can fit in the rolling carry-on.

Me:

What I wouldn't pay to see her stuffed in a Louis Viutton rolling carry-on.

AK:

Aw poor Chief Sherpa A! (hilarious visual though) I don't even doubt for a second that she would do it, if it meant a free trip.

Chief Sherpa A:

Shit, I'll get in the rolling carry-on, and I'll b rollin that shit back to mah crib..

So, the five simple rules to be happy?

1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.

I don't think any of us bitches has it in us.

Well, This Just Makes Sense Right Now.

"If I, myself, were not delighted, what delight would I have to give?"
- Marlena de Blasi, from her nonfiction work, "The Lady in the Palazzo".

Cuteness!

This is the last of the cuteness, I SWEAR, but I just can't help myself!!!! Go to Browser Metric's suggestion of Cute Overload and have a laugh at things like this:

I still find it wonderous that OnoCoffee gave me Panda Fix, and Browser Metrics gave me Cute Overload. Perhaps there is some squishy wishy lovey dovey yumminess in them?? Secretly, of course. CLOSET-Squishy-wishy-lovey-dovey-yumminess. Whatever.....

THAT may be the cutest thing.

The Trip of a Lifetime!

So, given the fact that people love pandas and know of the intrigue of Everest, I've found a trip we can take!!! After clicking on the link, look under "Asian Tours" for the Everest Base Camp Trek!

WHAT SAY YOU?

And thanks to Ono Coffee, I've found another way to seriously waste my time for hours.....AHHHHHHHHH!

Panda Nicu

What I wouldn't GIVE to work in this NICU!!

Would you just LOOK at the pandas????

Look at the little one to the left of the isolette in the center getting into trouble!

Hell, look at the one in the isolette!!!

JUST LOOK!!!!

ARRRWWRRWWWW I'm going nuts over the cuteness!

Family

So, I just saw Little Miss Sunshine. Fucking hysterical!!! Gotta love the fam. Just got to. Oh, and pushing the punchbus so that it goes fast enough for the driver to start it up in 3rd or 4th gear- while the rest of the family runs after the bus to jump in? Never gets old!! We should try that one day. I'm not kidding. How fun would that be? That's it. We're doing it in Hawaii. With Ryder and Iz pushing too.

Which leads me to Blue's Weekly Mantra:

"A family is a place where minds come in contact with one another. If these minds love one another the home will be as beautiful as a flower garden. But if these minds get out of harmony with one another, it is like a storm that plays havoc with the garden."

- Buddha

Ahhhh, Yet Another Season of ......

AMERICAN IDOL!!!

So, the season opens with a pretty young thing walking in, attempting to sing a Jewel song.

"This means the world to me, and I really hope I make it." *tear*

"DREAMS LAST FOR SOOO LONG, EVEN AFTER YOUR GONE, AND...."

"Thank you. Sounds like the record now, doesn't it?"

"NOOOO, Simon, stop it."

"All right, Randy- yes or no?"

"No, the singing, no...no no no. No. No."

"Ok. Jewel?" (She's the new guest panel judge)

"It's going to take a little work. No."

"Paula?"

"Shew, I'm going to have to pass."

"It's a no."

Wherein the pretty young thing falls to her knees.....

"No...please...noo noo...Please!!!"

"It's not good. We're sorry, but we're trying to find the best. But you're sooooo far off."

"And the good news today is that you found out that you're not going to be. So you can just moooovvveee on."

Ohhhhh, soo funny. This has got to be the best part of American Idol, watching this riff raff attempt to be singers!!! Another good quote of the season opener goes like this:

"My life....has never been easy you know. I was born as a...a crack baby."

And- she makes it on through. She's going to Hollywood. Baby.

The $30 J. Crew Headband...

I just had to.

Forget the Iphone!

So all the blogger buddies are writing posts about the Iphone. Who needs the Iphone when you have THIS:
The new Combi Activity Walker. This thing KICKS ASS! Now tell me, have any of you mom's/girls/ladies/dad's/guys seen anything quite like it? I don't think so. I know because when we were looking for a walker for the little loverboy, there was crap out there. Crap with plastic wheels and silly Sesame Street figures. This Combi walker is so unique and damn cute, I couldn't resist. Even though my son doesn't need a walker anymore, I bought it anyway. I mean, I might have another child one day, and so many of my gals are poppin' the kiddies out that somebody is bound to use it.

You can remove the seat, so that the child can actually stand where the seat used to be, and it can be used as a push toy. GENIUS. It can also be locked, so the child can use it as a bouncy. BRILLIANT. The hood of the car can be removed to reveal a table tray for yummy snacks. AWESOME. There's even a steering wheel, that's bound to light up my son's face. It also comes in pink too. FANTASTIC. And let's just talk about the wheels. The wheels are almost like skateboard wheels- super smooth, and super soft for the best ride. It's almost as good as my Bugaboo. The walker that Ryder did have (now in the trash can) had plastic wheels that would attempt to scratch up our hardwood floors. They would also get bent out of shape whenever he ran into a wall. Not anymore, baby! His push/ride is now on air. LOVE IT.

MUST HAVE IT.

I got it.

Kahala Mall

Ahhh, where BE used to live- just right around the corner..

And where we happened to be going to Best Buy...

And where JC dropped the last remained bite of his Snicker's Candy Bar on the dirty ass parking lot, probably bouncing off of his open toed worn down thong flip flops .......and where it splat onto the parking lot nougat side down......and where he stared at it thoughtfully for a few seconds as it began to melt on the hot Hawaiian asphalt...and....

Where I learned about the "Five Second Rule".

Wdyew Spydew

My goodness Wdyew Spydew Bew.

You've lived to be ten and half months old.

"For here you are, standing there, loving me....whether or not you should.....so somewhere in my wicked, miserable past, I must have done something good.."

Child's Play

Man is most nearly himself when he achieves the seriousness of a child at play.

- Heraclitus

Hawaii Here We Come.....

"So what do you want to do when we're there?"

"I dunno...sit on the beach...roll around in the sand....eat sushi?"

"Don't you want to show me around your old stomping grounds?"

Sigghhhhh....

Up until my freakishly tall husband asked about my old stomping grounds, I'd only been ready-ing myself for a week of absolute chaos..going with a huge handful of close friends- well, I expected nothing less. I only thought of the typical things, such as hitting the beach, taking up a surfing lesson, perhaps shopping at the International Market Place for some crazy coconuts, and just "gardening" with an ol buddy who still resides there. But when I pulled out the map of Oahu for my husband, and flipped it to the backside for a close-up of Waikiki, my heart fluttered and skipped a beat....because I remembered so much more.

When I looked down, I noticed a tiny highlighted route, a street named the Ala Wai Blvd. The pink highlight took me to an intersection of the Ala Wai and Walina...WOW. (feel the heart flutter?) That's where Chief Sherpa and I lived for 3 and a half months. X marked the spot for sure. Only a few blocks away from the beach, it was heaven. I suddenly began to smell the carpet in the hallways of the condo, and feel the ocean breeze slamming into my face when I exited the elevator on the top floor to get to the rooftop pool. I remembered the security guard who sat at the door of our complex, and greeted us with "Aloha" every morning when we returned from work. It sounded weird at first...but as the days went by...it started to sound like home! The mailboxes to the right- where I'd run to look for mail...or that extra cash that P would send because she was borrowing the Honda... and boy, do I remember the sunsets.

I looked down at the map again, and noticed that the pink highlight began to track further away from Waikiki. It took me to Diamond Head Avenue, told me to make a left onto 38th avenue, and then a right onto Kilauea Ave. Follow the pink some more, and it would take you to Kahala Mall. Ahhhhh. That's where BE used to live! A nice house on the hill, with whom he shared with MR. Many a night I'd be there, with Chief Sherpa, passed out on the bed that was in the outdoor lanai. Presumably from too much gardening.

The pink was all over the bottom half of Oahu. One of them taking me to Kapio'lani Women's and Children's Hospital, and yet another taking me to the Ala Moana Park and Shopping Center. If living in California changed me as a person, living in Hawaii solidified it. Many have asked if I missed California, and I always used to say, "no- actually I miss Hawaii waaaayyyy more." Now that I'm actually going back for the first time since I had left- with a husband and son in tow, I'm totally shaking with excitement. Chief Sherpa already has warned me, "T- you're going to die." Or was it cry? I don't know. But come what may, I'm going back.

I just hope I have the strength to leave!!!!!

ROAR.

A tiger is worth a thousand days as a sheep.

Ground Control....Come in...Over?

My god.

I have no idea what just happened in the last two weeks. I finally made it back to work today after a looonnngg hiatus, and I feel as though I've been on the moon. Ever get that feeling? Where you've got to come down out of the clouds and return to earth? I usually get that way after something big happens, and all the gals are in town. The last time I felt this way was after AK's wedding.

Well, the tinsel has settled, and the gifts have been exchanged...the songs have been sung, and the New Year's was rung in with a huge KABAMMM! This included a little bit of Big Papa and several hours of poker. Chief Sherpa A packed up her bags and headed back out west- with her Big Papa (oooohhhh THAT'S his code name from now on), and there I was, rolling on the carpet with M and C, G, and J and E. Ryder bear survived, and so did the freakishly tall husband. But not without a terrible cold, a slight fever, and three plane tickets to Hawaii. Where do I even begin?

Let's start with Chief Sherpa A's best Christmas present to herself, to Big Papa, and lastly to all of us. My god, the girl is pregnant!!! So overwhelming and joyous this occasion is, that I can't begin to describe the feeling of happiness that I have for her. At last- after several years of trying, she's pregnant- after watching her friends blink their eyes when wishing upon a pregnancy- and poof- they're pregnant...now its really happening to her. Some people wait a lifetime for a moment a like this...thankfully, she didn't have to wait that long. Did I just sing a song? And then there is AK. My god, she's pregnant. That's it- the world has stopped spinning, and we're all about to fall off because there is just no more gravity to keep us grounded. Congratulations girls, I'm soo very happy for you, and I'm sooo very happy that I get to sit back and watch you bitches get fat!!!

And then there is Hawaii. What happened there? It was something that shoulda been taken straight out of a reality show.

"IF YOU GO, I'M GOING."

"Oh, I'm going. I've got my credit card right here!"

"Wait, where we gonna stay?"

"Oh oh, we have room, we have room! We're renting a house!"

"OK! Let's go!"

"Buy your tickets then."

"I just DID."

"We're GOING TO HAWAII. DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW I'VE BEEN PLANNING TO GO TO HAWAII, and now I'm going for 450 bucks??? HmmmmHmmmmmmHmmmmm."

"KK, we're going to Hawaii. You OK with that?"

"I guess I'm gonna have to be."

"WE'RE GOING TO HAWAII, WE'RE GOING TO HAWAII!!"

And that was that. I'm not sure if Hawaii is ready for us. I mean, really. I'm really just not sure.

And then there was Karaoke! Who knew that Browser Metrics likes to rock out??? And OHHH, I like it when you call me Big Papa! And...Chief Sherpa with Beels...can't pay my beeels pay my telephone beeels pay my automo' beeels.....jesus. And let's talk about The Seed's amazing ability to hold a tune, and sleep on our couch all wrapped up in a blanket while coughing, sneezing, blowing his nose and spreading germs so that me, Ryder, Chief Sherpa, and M can all get sick. Thanks G.

Anywhoo..to those that I didn't get to see this holiday, you were missed.

To those that I will see soon on the shores of Hawaii, cheers.

And to all you other crackheads....I'll see you on the dark side of the moon! Ground Control has not contacted me yet so let's make 2007 CRAAAAAZZZZZYYYYYYY!