Chapter Two: A Reclamation!

"At the first safe location to turn around, please turn around."

"DAMMMNIIITTT".

"At the first safe location, ahh you can ahh suck it."

"Prepare to turn right."

"WHEEERRRREEEE"???

"Turn right". (this is where we would see, let's say, the LAKE on our right).

"At the first safe location to turn around, please turn around."

"FUUUCKKK YOU"!

"I am a dah GPSah, and I ah quitah".

The GPS Navigational System kinda sucked a little in Lake Como. We must have driven past our hotel about 10 times. It didn't help that the hotel name had been taken down weeks ago for repairs. So there it stood- as we passed by it 10 times, beautiful- stately- and unmarked. Even the Freakishly Tall Husband couldn't take it anymore. For those of you who know him, you surely know that he has some MONSTER patience. Well, he must- to be married to me, but anyway. The beauty that was Lake Como had already lost its lure, and we were at that point just ready to get to our room to check in. It was a scene out of National Lampoon's European Vacation, except that it was the lake (and not Big Ben, Parliament), as we drove by it on the right, only to turn around, and see it from the left hand side. "Look guys! Lake Como!".

Driving from Venice to Como was a nice little car ride. Alot of tolls, but not too bad altogether. The AutoStops were a site to see though, with restaurant style meals and full, fresh service deli's. Even the espresso's and cappuccino's were served on real china. With real silver. But at a bar that's seemingly like someplace you'd buy a beer and a hot dog. The coffee here was meant to be savored, and sipped, and finished in one sitting. There is no such thing as a Starbuck's "on the go" coffee. If you ask anyone for a coffee "to go"..you're surely bizarre.

We finally get to the Lake, and to get to it, you must first drive through an overpass tunnel thing that cuts through a mountain, and then- as you clear the tunnel, you see it. Glistening, with little houses and towns nestled into its sides, with Jurassic Park-like mountains still with snow on its peaks holding the water together. It was gorgeous. I think all of us in the car let out a sigh...it didn't seem real. This is where The Clooney lives. This is where the last Bond got the girl. This is Queen Amidala's home. Yes, it's THAT beautiful. Sure is.

Once we found our hotel, the Grande Hotel Cadenabbia, we settled in immediately. How could you not- with Beefcake and the German in the room on our left, and the in laws on the right of us. In front of us, was a small road that we had driven up and down about 10 times, and then..the Lake. Clear, blue, deep (with snakes), and happy to be hosting sailboats on this most beautiful day. We find out that Joo, Emma, Gaston, and Anthony are staying right below us, and as we unpack our things, we do so with urgency because we know that there is nothing left to do but DRINK and relax with friends. We hook up with the bride to be and the groom to be, and the rest of the bunch and head out to dinner (a spot that we would come to know and love because that would be the only dinner spot near us open past 9pm).

After dinner we head back to Joo and Anthony's room, and settle in for more drinks while we wait for the rest of the gang to meet up with us. The rest of the gang consists of 1 Sherpa, 1 Mench, 1 Foodie Monster, and 1 woman who is forever sleuthing for tasty places to eat (and she doesn't quit here in Como, either). They finally show up with a BANG! And after a ton of hugs and kisses and just all around giddy excitement (and after a few glasses of champagne and absinthe), there is a loud knock on the door. It's the Nightwatchman. He's very angry. He tells us that we should keep it down (and we try, we really do try, but.....it was the Sherp's fault). Mind you, its only 11 pm.. VERY EARLY by wasted stupid American standards.

There is another loud knock at the door. It's the Nightwatchman again. This time his face is red. His veins are bulging. There has been a "RECLAMATION!" and the "POLIZIA!" will soon be here. Oh damn. We need to go. This is where it gets crazy. We start out as a big, giant, gaggle of crazy Americans trying to leave a very quiet building. But we're just loud. Loud LOUD LOUD. Can't help it. We try to go the hotel bar, but its on its way to being closed!!! The Sherpa stares at some peanuts on the table and screams, "those NUTS LOOK GOOD! I just want some nuts (she's just hungry)". OK. We should leave here too. We decide that it would be best if we all just went to the house that Sherpa had rented, and continue to party on there. We split. The town of Cadennabbia is clearly not ready for the likes of us.

As we try to get down the steps, we hear the Nightwatchman, on his way UP the steps as we are trying to head down. We get disoriented. We get a little confused. Some of us are ducking into different floors to avoid him. Some of us make our way past him to get down to the lobby. Some of us confront him head on. That would be Beefcake. "We're GOING." He screams gibberish in Italian, and it sounds something like this: "italianitalianitalianitalianitalianMEXICANS". He thought we were Mexicans!! Somehow we make it down. But the Freakishly Tall Husband has gone back in to get the Seed's suitcase...ohhh crap. Good thing for Foodie Monster's cell phone. It's been a while. He finally makes it out intact- but not after being chased up the steps by the guy, and not after hiding in the room for a while til all was clear. Meanwhile the rest of us are huddled in the parking lot, sometimes ducking every now and then because we can see the guy coming in and out of the hotel lobby...just to make sure we've all gone. Jeez. Us crazy Americans. Or Mexicans.

The following day was peaceful and beautiful with more picture taking. We went to explore Bellagio, a short ferry ride across the lake. The Seed and the FoodieMonster pick up the Dentist and the Sis. We have Bellini's by the lake, do some window shopping, and think about the upcoming wedding. We have some very yummy gelato. MMMMmm gelato. I miss gelato. Columbia Mall in Maryland has a very nice Gelatoria- maybe I'll go there when I'm done posting this- but I digress.

We finally meet up with everyone again, and have a nice dinner at the same place as the night before. It's time to meet up with the Bride and Groom's family at the hotel bar for some pre-wedding festivities, and we're ready to go. Except that we're met at the front door by the Nightwatchman. Again. He won't let us in. He wants to know what rooms we're all staying in, as only hotel guests are allowed to pass through the front door. He points to the Seed. "SHE does not have a room here." Poor Seed. We explain that we are here to celebrate a wedding, and we need to get to the bar. "No stopping, room are for sleeping. NO ROOM, NO STAY!". Yeah, yeah, sure, sure! He finally lets us all pass. Thankfully we make it up to the party, where Beefcake's dad is cuddling with a bottle of whiskey. We meet other wedding attendees, mostly from Germany- and we're all getting excited for the next day.

Of course, afterwards we're back at the Sherp's rented villa, and as usual, partying like we have no kids. I can't tell you all of it, but you can use your imagination. It involves things like sausage, cake, taint, getting drunk, flying birds, German beer, eating ALOT, movie quotes, shaving faces, balls, and well- other unmentionables.

I think we're ready for the wedding now.