Work? Full-Time Again?

Recently I've had some options thrown my way..and I've got a lot of thinking to do. It basically boils down to whether or not I'd like to re-join the workforce as a full-time employee. I've been acting as a consultant for the past year, and my contract has come to an end.

Do I want to leave Ryder to grandma two days a week, and a nanny three days a week? Would I be willing to travel- and actually enjoy some down time without the cute little critter running under my feet (I realize that this statement doesn't make any sense, but if you hadn't been away from your kiddie for more than one night in his year and a half life, you might understand)? Would I like to pursue photography actively and wholeheartedly, as a full-time learning job? Would I like to be home, and stay on this course of being the mommy always there for my little one- entertaining, cuddling, force-feeding, swimming, jumping, sleeping, bathing, watching toons, and disciplining?

I'm going to Cali in a week to join Chief Sherpa in her quest for delivering one of these little human beings- these things that dramatically change your life forever. I'll be doing a lot of thinking out there, while snapping shots of yet another new baby this year. I hope to find a little of me once more- I hope to read the last Potter book uninterrupted on the plane, I hope to have dinner with P and the rest of the gang without chasing a monkey, and I hope to shop (even if it is for groceries) without worrying if I've left the stroller behind- and wondering where that monkey is. I also hope to take a shower- an extra extra extra long shower- without feeling guilty that my son is hammering a drum stick repeatedly on my freakishly tall husband's head (I know he- my husband- can take care of himself, but I still feel guilty. Can't help it).

And when I come back, at least I'll know this: Can I be away from the Boys for an extended period of time? Will I enjoy it, or will my heart break from not getting that yummy good night kiss from both of them? And maybe that might help me in my search for an answer in regards to returning to work full-time.

It's weird, when I booked the flight, I could not WAIT to go. I still can't wait, but as the day draws nearer for my departure, I'm getting just a teeny bit sadder (just a teeny- can't even really count as "a little". Teeny.).

Why can't we just have it all????