Singing Lullabies

In the two and a half years of Ryder's life, I've found it impossible to sing lullabies to him without crying. I can't ever sing one without my voice cracking, or my eyes tearing up. I've recently realized this when we cut out his evening bottles- we have to find a creative way to get him to bed- get him to wind down, and ready himself for sleep. We've come up with reading, of course...we let him pick out his bedtime story (usually two or three), and he walks to his bedroom with authority and not sleepiness, holding his books like a kid in school hallways heading to another classroom. But he's usually still so awake after a few stories, so I thought about songs that I could sing to him. But I just can't do it.

As I've mentioned before, I've tried. Here are some of the songs that I've attempted. Mind you, I've failed at completing all of them. Every single one. I thought it was hard when he was an infant because he was just so pure and innocent, and sweet. I would just get caught up in the song and in his face and body and toes that my voice would tremble. It's even harder now because when I try to sing a lullaby, he's staring right back at me with big, questioning eyes, sometimes smiling, when recognizing a song, sometimes saying, "mama no!!". Even when he says no, I still tear up. I don't know why.

1. Silent Night. I can just forget about this one.
2. I Give My Life for You (Miss Saigon)- I KNOW what you're going to say, this song might be a little overwhelming for a two year old, but still beautiful. Still makes me cry.
3. Hush Little Mermaid (Backyardigans)- just a pretty melody. Still cry.
4. You are My sunshine. I can sing this to him during the day, but at night as a lullaby, I just can't do it!!!
5. A wonderful World. Iz. Yup. Can't do this one either.
6. And the one that I really want to sing all the way through, but can't, is Tomorrow. Annie.

The sun'll come out
Tomorrow
Bet your bottom dollar
That tomorrow
There'll be sun!

Just thinkin' about
Tomorrow
Clears away the cobwebs,
And the sorrow
'Til there's none!

When I'm stuck with a day
That's gray,
And lonely,
I just stick out my chin
And Grin,
And Say,
Oh!

The sun'll come out
Tomorrow
So ya gotta hang on
'Til tomorrow
Come what may
Tomorrow! Tomorrow!
I love ya Tomorrow!
You're always
A day
A way!

Try singing that to your baby and not crying. And its just not the copious amounts of estrogen I'm on right now, either. I had problems singing lullabies to him from his first day of life. WHY??

Maybe I should try "sexy back". I'll let you know how that goes.